Comfort not found from daddy
Being a relatively new dad with a baby under the age of one I am still gaining new experiences at a relatively rapid rate. One of the toughest ones so far is my son having a preference for his mommy when he needs comfort. It is tough because no one wants to feel rejected, let alone from their own baby. I want to let fathers know that they are not alone.
Why I think Mommy is the source of comfort
There are two reasons why I think this happens:
- Men do not have boobs. Not much we can really do about this, that’s just the way it is. If you are reading this and you do possess some, you might be interested in my wife’s post about breastfeeding. My son has been breastfed from birth and finds it very soothing. He can be screaming and be soothed instantly by my wife’s embrace (even without the milk). He knows who to go to when he wants to be soothed. It makes sense from his perspective to seek comfort as much as possible.
- Being a gatekeeper from food or comfort. What will generally happen is my wife will hand my son off to me to hold him while she gets ready to breastfeed. At times he is crying or screaming and I am the one in the way. My hypothesis is babies could start associating being held in your arms as negative if this happens too frequently.
- Developmentally babies go through stages where this just happens. I have heard stories where the baby screams when being held by anyone but mommy. I am glad that is not happening in our case.
What to do about it
Your situation does not have to be very one-sided, where comfort can only be found from mommy. There are a few things I have been doing and I believe they have been helping. I hope they help you too.
- Reduce the amount you are the gatekeeper to feeding as mentioned above in the reasons why.
- When going out in public or experiencing anything new, the father should hold the baby as much as possible. I noticed after we went to a mall we had never been to before. I was holding my son with both my arms wrapped around him. We walked around for over an hour. After that he became much more attached to me. It was noticeable even that same day with just one trip. I now try and help my son through as many new experiences as possible. I will also wear my son in a carrier more often than I did before. This is as opposed to the stroller, where baby is farther away from you. While they are small, holding them close will help strengthen your bond. Additionally, this does not mean take them away from the other parent all the time. Both parents have to be mindful of how much quality time each parent is getting.
- Learn about child development so you can understand and know that this behavior is normal. It defiantly is less hurtful knowing you are not alone, and it is normal for mommy to be the source of comfort.
I hope this helps. Please leave a comment if you are or were in the same situation. Let me know if the suggestions help you.
