Mental Health, the Ups and Downs of Parenting

If you are reading this

You might be a parent, and you might be looking for some support or encouragement.  That’s really what I’m doing here.  No judgements, no shame, just a real mom sharing her experience in an effort to hearten other parents.  Today I’m here to remind you that you are not alone.  No matter what type of parent you are (at work full-time, part-time, stay-at-home), you are not alone.  All parents go through ups and downs.  And I want to acknowledge right from the start that I am speaking from my own experience as a stay-at-home-parent, and my own experience with mental health awareness.  Life as a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) or full-time parent may seem like both a dream, and well, not-so-dreamy at times.

Being with my little guy 24/7 means that I get to see him at his sweetest.  When he needs a cuddle, my arms hold him.  When he wants to read a book, I happily oblige.  One of the best parts of the entire experience is knowing that I am there, to teach, to guide, and to love.  Being the continual parent inevitably means that I am also the one who is there when he is navigating the communication barriers that come with being a 19 month old.  Day in and day out we work through the good and the bad, all while fighting nap time, talking down tantrums, and cutting brand new teeth.  Let’s just say, trudging through the difficult seasons with you little one can be quite the challenge.

Please Note:

This post is regarding the topic of mental health.  If you experience issues with your mental health and/or are sensitive to its content please be aware that this post is written from my own experience and is not to be taken as any type of advice.  As a mental health professional I understand how important it is to be aware of one’s own emotional and mental health and to seek out trained therapists when necessary.  This written piece is in support of efforts to de-stigmatize mental health.

In my own experience

Being a SAHM can feel very isolating.  So much so that over time I have noticed an effect, slowly wearing on my mental health.  That process can be sneaky and difficult to detect at times, and all of a sudden things just don’t feel right.  When this happens it can be discouraging.  Not knowing what to do or who to turn to.

For myself, I try to remember that the bad feelings come and go.  Though these times can be difficult, they draw awareness to just how important self-care can be.  I can’t believe it has almost been a full year since I left my job to stay at home with my child.  I left my friends, my career, quiet commutes, toddler-free trips to the toilet, and days filled with a purpose that extended beyond my family…

But I gained much in return.  As with many things in life, our choices have pros and cons.  Somewhere in between the light and the dark we live our life.

Overcoming struggle with art

In the grips of feeling low, feeling conflicted between the joy and sadness that occupy my days I wanted to process this for myself.  So I decided to lean on my strengths, knowing it would brighten the shadow hanging over me.  With collage materials in hand I made art about what was going on for me.  As an art therapist (currently working casually) this comes so naturally to me to put the things that I cannot verbalize into visual form.  I allowed myself use my art making for my own therapeutic purposes.  This is my self care, my way to get to know my inner self.  I enjoy all art materials and typically will work with what is calling me at a particular moment.  I began by paging through magazines and tearing out images that resonated with how I was feeling.

The Process

Certainly, it helped.  Ripping out the images, cutting this one out here, trimming it down, pasting this one over there.  Finally, piecing it all together, like a puzzle.  The end product was so satisfying.  I gained clarity from this exercise and was able to honor the heaviness that was present and ultimately release it.  I was also able to see that in-spite of the waves that threaten to overtake my mind, in-spite of the surrounding darkness that can feel so sharp, they are an obstacle that can be overcome.  That will be overcome.  For there is also so much good present in my life, and that good reigns over everything else.

It’s okay to be not okay

In conclusion, as parents it is important to have a read on ourselves, and know when we need to take care of ourselves.  Asking for help doesn’t mean that we’ve failed or that we are not strong enough.  When we are not okay thats a signal to ourselves that we need to tell someone.  These are the times when I reach out to those I love and trust, to let them know I what I need.  This is a learning process.  Some days will be better than others.

Finding that strength to confront what is difficult is the key.  Know that the strength you need is inside of you, even if you can’t see it.  Sometimes it just takes a little uncovering.  You might not even realize what you need, so I encourage you to give yourself permission to try what appeals to you.  It might be listening to music, reading, making art, journaling, exercising, or something else.  Just try, and you might be pleasantly surprised how doing something little for yourself can make a big change.