A Nursing Mother’s Perspective on Bed-sharing
Our Bed-sharing Journey
Before our son was born, my husband and I did all of the “right” things to prepare for our little one. One of the sweetest things that my husband did was purchase books on pregnancy and parenting to give us the best start possible. We also attended several parenting classes led by local experts to help us feel more confident. The issue that I was most concerned about was SLEEP. After reading the books and sitting through pre-natal classes it wasn’t even a question that when we came home from the hospital, with our new bundle in our arms, that baby would sleep in a bassinet in our room. We never entertained bed-sharing as a possibility. This is per the AAP recommendations on sleeping. I recommend that you read more about these safe sleep recommendations so that you are aware.
If you are interested in a Dad’s perspective on the matter, please check out my husband’s post on bed-sharing.
Difficulty with Sleep Deprivation
When you are pregnant everyone tells you to enjoy the sleep while you can, if you can sleep that is. It is true, that nothing can truly prepare you for the sleep deprivation that you experience as a new parent. It is so hard, and it is definitely important to have support. So we tried all the recommendations. We religiously followed the 5 S’s and swaddled and shushed our baby. These worked well to get him to soothe in the moment. However, what quickly became a struggle was the length of time that our baby would sleep on his own.
In the early days our baby would nurse for a very long period of time, almost an hour. I believe that part of this was due to the learning curve that comes with breastfeeding. So by the time he was finished he typically required a diaper change. After the diaper change he would fall asleep in my arms, I would lay him down, and without even getting an hour long stretch of sleep he would be awake and hungry again. Not wanting to bother my husband, who wouldn’t be able to help me with much of this nighttime routine anyway, I stayed awake with our little one. I think between the first two days home I was averaging maybe 3 hours of sleep per night. So there isn’t any wonder in my mind why I started feeling a bit edgy. I then knew that I needed support.
A Potential Solution
Then, a new idea helped us turn things around in a relatively quick amount of time. Our doula came to our home for a post-partum visit. We were able to discuss with her all of the joys and the difficulties that we were finding along this new journey of parenthood. With regards to our sleep concerns she suggested that we look up information by Dr. James McKenna and bed-sharing. I had never heard of him up until this point. He advocates that with safety precautions in mind breastfeeding mothers can safely bed-share with their babies. Initially I was very nervous about this idea. This isn’t what doctors recommend, I thought. I didn’t want to be responsible for anything happening to my precious little one Our doula also explained a little about attachment parenting. After reading more information about both bed sharing and attachment parenting I started to feel like there might be some merit to this style of parenting. I was pleased to know that in many families around the world practice this type of sleeping arrangement with little concern for SIDS.
Taking the leap, for more sleep
In an effort to get us all some better sleep we started making the necessary safety arrangements. We transferred our queen size memory foam topper to the guest bed, purchased a waterproof mattress protector and installed a guard rail. After almost falling asleep with our baby in our glider I knew I had to take action to get some sleep. I felt confident that our firm mattress would be just fine for baby, and with the blankets and sheets at waist level we slept together in the same bed for the first time. That was the first night that I felt like I actually got some decent rest since we brought our baby home. It was amazing. Everytime he woke up to nurse I was right there, able to nurse him on my side and then fall right back asleep. Initially it took some getting used to, to get the position right. But with some day time practice we were able to get the hang of it. Now at 7 months our son is still sleeping in our bed. I’m no longer ashamed to say that we parent him this way.
Bed-sharing for our family is a beautiful thing. I feel close and connected to my baby throughout the night and I intuitively know where he is. It is as if we are synced on a biological level. And waking up next to his smiling face in the morning is the sweetest thing. At the moment we don’t plan on changing our sleeping arrangement anytime soon. As long as we are all happy and well rested there isn’t really any reason to. For those of your worried about the extra night wakings, our son is kind of on the smaller side, so the extra nursing at night doesn’t bother me. He usually only wakes 3 times on average and is quickly back to sleep within 10 minutes. We have agreed to re-evaluate our bed-sharing situation on an as needed basis, but we are very committed to doing what we feel is right for our baby.
Disclaimer, use at your own risk: This article is not intended for use as permission to bed-share, nor is it to be taken in place of professional healthcare advice. Please make sure that you are well educated on the subject and if you do plan to bed-share do so with caution and intention. The authors do not make any warranties about the completeness, reliability and accuracy of this information. Any action that you take upon the information on this website is strictly at your own risk, and we will not be liable for any losses or damages in connection with the use of our website.
This post contains affiliate links.
