Preparation – Conversations to Have Before Baby is Born
Just like anything, preparation is key. Bringing home a newborn is no exception. There are a few conversations that you need to cover before that magical and stressful day arrives. Remember: the baby can come early! I recommend having these conversations in the early third trimester.
Expectations Early On
It is important to discuss with your partner what your expectations of each other will be as new parents. Giving birth is tough on the human body and requires rest. It made sense for me to take care of the regular household duties, at least for the first few weeks. Please see my post on looking after your partner after birth. This allowed my wife to do exactly what she needed to do: breastfeed our son, relax and heal. Of course, I got to hold my son, we did skin to skin as much as possible, and I loved the bonding. This also gave my wife a chance to catch up on much needed sleep or take a hot shower.
Time Off of Work
I was lucky enough to get 2 weeks off when my son was born, then an additional 13 weeks off after my wife went back to work. I found the first 2 weeks critical for bonding with my son, helping my partner and getting used to the new normal that comes with a newborn. Time off obviously depends on your working situation and what country you are in. Some people will also recruit help, my wife and I decided that it was important for us to get used to looking after a newborn baby on our own so we don’t come to rely on too much assistance. We liked that approach. We had the grandparents ready to knock down the door if things got too much though. That is very important, as just knowing we had backup was a great relief.
Visitors
Some people find it overwhelming or tough having people over, let along the hoards of people that want to flock to see your new baby. It depends on personal preference as to whether or not you want to have lots of people come over, one person at a time or somewhere in between. Be sure to talk to your partner about who you want to invite to the hospital, if you want to invite anyone at all. You can also discuss who you would want to visit your place in the early days. Make sure you reach out and ask if there is anything you need for them to bring over. It sounds a bit like bribery, but hey, why not! You could also see how it goes with smaller amounts of company and build up when you feel more comfortable. Being open and honest with each other was key for us during this time. And Partners, make sure you are the point person for all communication immediately prior and after the birth, let the mommy to be focus on what is most important: the birth and then the newborn.
Sleep
it is important to discuss where baby will sleep. The baby should sleep in your room, either in your bed (for more on cosleeping see my post and my wife’s post) or in a bassinet or cosleeper beside your bed. Remember to be safe no matter what you decide. We did a bassinet beside our bed for a while then discovered cosleeping was much easier. If you are thinking about a few options be sure to go through the pros and cons. It is also helpful to remain open. You might expect to feel a certain way and then when the sleep deprivation sets in you may want to change your mind. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends your baby sleeps in the same room, but not on the same surface, preferably until the age of 1, but at least 6 months. Read more about sleep and SIDS.
You may also want to discuss what the partner is willing to do to help Mommy care for the little one at night. This all depends on your personal situation of feeding and sleeping. Remember that parenting doesn’t stop when the sun sets, and you’ll feel like you’ve got each other’s support if you can acknowledge that the early days will be hard, but they will bring you closer together.
